Loved Along the Way: Encountering God’s Love Beyond Performance

Preface

This encounter I’m about to share is something I’ve held private and close to my heart. It’s difficult to put into words.

It grounded me so securely in the love of God the last roots of the pressure of performance, I’d struggled with my whole life, were pulled up.

It’s been four years now, and I’ve been sensing His prompting to write out and share the vision.

Not because I am anything special, but because Father God wants to convey His heart of love to each one of us.

We are each His beloved. We are each uniquely the apple of His eye.

So, as you read this, I invite you to ask Holy Spirit to help you see yourself in the story.

Put yourself in my shoes. Imagine that you are the little child in His arms, the teenager He refuses to abandon…..

This is not just a story about how God loves me.

This is a glimpse of how much He loves you.

My prayer is that, somewhere between these lines, you encounter Him for yourself—and find yourself believing with your whole heart,

“Wow… God loves ME like that.”

Encounter on September 21, 2023

Spinning… spinning in the air, I was caught up in a vision the moment I sat in my cozy chair to spend time with God.

It was the last day of a 10-day Daniel Fast with our Soul Care group, and I had just gotten back from worshiping on a walk near our home.

One of the things I had been working through over the years was learning to receive my value through who Jesus says I am, rather than through what I did.

I had made huge strides in walking free from this performance lie, but I could still see it rearing its ugly head from time to time as I found myself feeling insecure or striving to perform to feel loved by God and others.

The song I was listening to on my walk was an Upperroom Prayer Set, where a powerful line repeated over and over: “I was made to love and be loved by You.”

Those words of truth began piercing my heart. And as I sat down to be with the Lord and hear His heart, I was caught up in the air in Jesus’ hands.

Just to Be Loved

Suddenly, I was a baby, and He was spinning me around in the air…like a dad does a little kid.

Jesus’ eyes twinkled with delight as He looked into mine.

We were both smiling and laughing and perfectly present with one another. He was simply enjoying me—no agenda, no expectations, just love.

He reminded me of a dream I had two days prior of my oldest son, now an adult, that felt so real. In my dream, my son was six months old, and we were in a lovely, wooded area. I was just soaking up the moment with him, loving the baby stage.

I adored holding him in my arms—the weight of his little body cuddled against mine, the smell of his baby head.

We were on a light dappled path in a clearing. A crystal brook ran through. I brought my son over to the cool stream, and he splashed the water with his little hands. Joy burst in my heart as I watched him experience this for the first time.

Then the vision switched back to me as a baby in Jesus’ arms. He lowered my bare toes into the clear stream, and I kicked my feet in delight. Holding me securely around my waist, Jesus laughed, joining in my infant excitement. He loved sharing with me all that He had created for my joy and pleasure.

There was no pressure to perform or be anything else but a helpless little baby resting in safety, discovering life—the wonder of receiving love without giving anything in return.

I sensed Him saying, “I have always been here for you, loving you. I lead you beside quiet waters. I love you in all the phases of your life. I made you to enjoy you, and I made all things for your enjoyment. I love to love you and be loved by you.”

Loved from the Beginning

The vision then zoomed out and back through time, to where I could see Father God’s eyes from before the creation of the world.

I saw my reflection in them as He looked forward in time to the day I would be born. His attention was fixed.

He had all eyes for me.

I was the apple of His eye even before I was conceived.

Father God spoke, “From before the foundation of the world you were a reflection in my Eye. For I looked forward to the day when I would form you in your mother’s womb.

Even before I began to form your intricate inner parts, I knew you and I loved you.

Throughout every stage I have loved you and made you mine.”

Loved in Wonder

The scene shifted, and I was now a little girl. My arm stretched upward as I held onto Jesus’ much bigger hand. We walked along the same path which meandered through a beautiful meadow speckled with wildflowers.

Jesus would point out something in nature, and we would admire it together with childlike eyes.

At one point, Jesus stopped and knelt before me stooping down to my eye level. He picked a yellow wildflower from the side of the path and gently put it in my hair.

His eyes were shining and kind. I could see and feel that His eyes were for me, full of tender, Fatherly love. He enjoyed me as a little girl. He delighted in teaching me and walking with me.

He was patient. No rush.

He savored each moment in time. There was no pressure to learn or perform beyond this phase of my journey. He thoroughly adored me and loved being with me in the childlike wonder of this stage of my life.

Loved in the Wrestle

Again, the scene shifted forward in time, and I saw that I was an older teenager. I had stopped walking on the path with Him and was sitting on a bench alongside the path.

Jesus sat next to me, but I was pushing Him away, turning my back, refusing to walk with Him.

I could sense the wrestle in the teen’s heart—a resistance...a pulling back.

But He wouldn’t leave.

He was present on the bench even though I didn’t want Him.

Then He spoke, “I want to show you love in the wrestle. When you push Me away--I love you. I want to show you my love when you are hard to love.

My love chooses you anyway.

My love is a sticking kind of love. It doesn’t quit.”

I saw Jesus lean into the teenager who, like a porcupine, was covered in spikes.

Jesus pressed in...

even though the spines pierced His skin and broke into His flesh.

He persistently pushed into the embrace.

And I saw that in my resistance, He was undeterred, for there He could truly show how fierce Love would pursue me and how far His love would reach for me.

And I began asking, “What kind of love is this? What kind of love pushes into the pain?”

And I heard, “A love that endures all things and hopes all things. A kind love. A love that doesn’t stay away. A love that doesn’t back off or quit.”

And Jesus responded, “When you are all spikes and prickles, I still want to be near you, because My love is big enough to handle your thorns and spikes.

In love, I took the pricks of the thorny crown into my forehead, and I took the spikes of the nails into My hands and feet for you.

To know you and love you is worth every spike and every scar.

You are worth the pain.

Loving you is worth the scars.

I’m not afraid to get hurt. I don’t self-protect.”

I looked into Jesus’ eyes, and they had a tender-hurt yet a persistent love in them that endures all things. I saw a love that hopes and never fails.

“My love is not a fragile type of love. It is lasting, pursuing, and enduring.”

Loved as a Friend

Again, the scene shifted, and I was now an adult.

Jesus and I were walking along the path side by side.

Our shoulders would bump together in a friendly way as we walked. We were co-laboring and partnering together. It was a joyful camaraderie.

As we walked, we talked about things that were for the spiritually mature that I wouldn’t have understood as a child. He treasured confiding in me and discussing the deep things of the Kingdom. He loved sharing His secrets with me...His friend.

Jesus took joy in a good hard day’s work with me, and I with Him. Looking in His shining eyes I could see pride, like… “My kid has grown up, and I am so proud of the women she is becoming.”

He explained to me that He never intended for me to go off striving on my own, and then return and report back as though my performance could earn His approval or acceptance.

Instead, He showed me a picture of us working in a field on a farm. We worked shoulder to shoulder, doing the labor together. Sometimes the job was hard, but we sweat together and laughed together.

Always together.

Then, at the end of the day, we would sit on the porch of the farmhouse with a cold glass of lemonade in our hands, and we would look out at all we had accomplished that day.

We might be a little tired from the day’s hard work, but we felt so satisfied and fulfilled.

And we would clink our lemonade glasses together as we watched the sunset and say,

“It is good!”

This is the kind of relationship He wanted—to be together, enjoy life together, and do hard things together. To love and be loved as we traveled the path of life.

Loved to Eternity

Again, the scene shifted, and we were no longer walking the path. We were in a bedroom, and I was an old woman.

Jesus sat on the side of the bed, cradling me in His arms again, like a baby. My body was thin and frail. My curly hair hung long and white.

Against His chest, my head rested comfortably. We didn’t need to use words. We could communicate through our thoughts.

He tenderly looked into my wrinkled face as we reminisced all the cherished moments we shared on the path—just resting in complete peace. His eyes lit warmly, full of the beautiful pictures and memories of our times together.

Jesus assured me saying, “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I Am He.”

Watching this scene from a third-person perspective, Jesus leaned down and tenderly kissed this old woman’s forehead. Her eyes closed.

Then Jesus proclaimed, “I Am the Door.”

When Jesus stood up from the bed, I could see that my soul was still cradled in His arms, but my frail shell of a body was resting on the bed.

He then curled His arms, bringing my soul into His body.

In a blink, we were standing beside each other again in a vibrant meadow on a path.

Except this time, the path stretched out before us…gleamed pure gold.

I was young again… in my 20s or 30s.

Jesus turned to me, a big grin lighting up His face. With a twinkle in His eyes, He stretched out His hand to me asking,….“Shall we?”

Grasping His familiar hand, we began walking down the golden path,

swinging our arms back and forth...together.